Tornadoes, Texas, and Easter...

Due to the unexpected and violent tornadoes in Dallas yesterday, my early morning flight was canceled. This resulted in me having one more day here. Unfortunately, my host had to work today, which means I got a whole day to myself. I had no car - just time and an empty house. This morning, on Facebook, a friend recommended a site that took you through a 15 - minute prayer exercise, which they have available for every day. I decided to check it out since I had more time than I knew what to do with.

This morning's meditation was on two things: a hymn that sang "My sweet Jesus, look with mercy on my soul" and the scripture from Matthew 26:14 - 16, where Judas agrees to betray Jesus. 

Then one of the Twelve—the one called Judas Iscariot—went to the chief priests and asked, “What are you willing to give me if I deliver him over to you?” So they counted out for him thirty pieces of silver. From then on Judas watched for an opportunity to hand him over.

In the given times of contemplation, there were two resounding thoughts that came to mind:

1. How much mercy it really takes to get to Heaven.

2. The question of whether or not I'm like Judas at all.

During my time here in Texas, I've had the chance to attend several church services. I continue to hear lots of messages of the gospel presented and followed with a statement or question that goes something like this: A lot you might think you're believers, but unless you're living it out and the Holy Spirit is inside of you - you're not. You may know a lot about Jesus, but do you actually know Him?

Such a great question. When immersed in a bible believing culture like Texas is, it would be easy to fall in to the cowpath of religious coattails without ever picking up the relationship with Jesus for yourself. As, I think about that in light of today's meditations, it seems that these two things go hand in hand with this notion. 

For one, living as a feeble human here on earth, sin is inevitable. Not that we freely give way to it, but we ARE sinners, whether we try to be or not, we constantly fall short of what God calls us to. Because that's true, we are in full need at all times of mercy and grace. It must be in endless supply as we reach deeply into the well after both the most casual or most egregious cases of sin. Mercy allows us to know we can move beyond sin and onto the narrow path that God has called us to.

The second part of this morning's meditation that struck me was the final part of the given verses - "From then on Judas watched for an opportunity to hand him over". In some other translations, that is written - "and Judas watched for chances to betray Him". Those words just stick with me. Because, inasmuch as I'd like to have no identification with this passage, the truth is that I do. I might not be seeking out chances to sin, but I'm certainly guilty of selling Jesus out for the world rather frequently. At times, I can be frivolous in knowing I am welcome back to His loving embrace so I shortcut my love towards Him, towards my neighbor - all the while knowing that each is a betrayal of the great commandment. 

This emphasizes the importance of my relationship with Him. The need for grace, for mercy, for truth, for love and then the need for these questions - Am I living out my faith in deed? Loving as I ought? Am I loving Jesus? Am I loving you? And, in doing so, giving way to his two greatest commandments? Holy Week and Easter just beg to be times of reflection and introspection. So, as I sit about to board my plane back to DC, these are the questions itching to be answered. 

Back To Egypt...

It’s funny how things pop up, seemingly at random, but far too frequently to ignore. For example, last week our pastor talked about shying away from the BTEC (Back to Egypt Club) in a sermon. His point was simple – to steer clear of those people who want to walk us back to a life of comfort and ease yet away from God’s plan for us. That notion was a good one and I pondered it for a few minutes until the sermon ended and I was distracted by both the church lobby and the rest of life. But then, during my quiet times this past week, I found myself in the section of Jeremiah that discusses exactly that – God’s warning against going back to Egypt. See, there was a remnant of people who remained after nearly all of the Israelites got carted off to Babylon. They sought out Jeremiah to pray to God what His will would be for them. And, when the message of the Lord came through it was loud and clear and basically said this – Stay in this land. If you do, I’ll build you up. Don’t be afraid. Not even of the King of Babylon. I am the Lord. I will save you, show you compassion, and restore you. But, if you are determined to go back to Egypt, you will suffer by sword, by famine, and eventually by death. In other words – DO NOT go to Egypt.” It’s important to recognize what Egypt represents – a time, a place, a way that is known, comfortable, and relatively easy, but far from obedience. Egypt is deceptive because it can masquerade as obedience since it lulls us in with promises of peace and comfort, but it is actually the opposition of what God wants in this case. It fronts as a land of okay, when God is clearly calling for something entirely different. Truth is - God’s promise often takes us into situations where our peace, our power, and our comfort are disrupted in order to prove Himself ever faithful.

A short time ago, I was chatting with a friend about precise obedience and how there is just a lack of precision to so many of the things we are executing for the Lord. We hesitate in our timely response, we waver in our willingness to follow through, and often even resist petitioning the Lord’s opinion on much of life. And we do so, in the same nature as the Israelites described above. We want to know the Lord’s will, but we want it limited to our comfort zone and its suburbs. Yet, as we get into the rural parts of our lives and faith walks, the places we go with little frequency, we are privy to the promises delineated in Jeremiah 42:10 – 12. In these open and unvisited spaces, we catch glimpses of glory unable to be seen from anywhere else.

Jeremiah 42:10 – 12 says this:

‘If you stay in this land, I will build you up and not tear you down; I will plant you and not uproot you, for I have relented concerning the disaster I have inflicted on you. Do not be afraid of the king of Babylon, whom you now fear. Do not be afraid of him, declares the LORD, for I am with you and will save you and deliver you from his hands. I will show you compassion so that he will have compassion on you and restore you to your land.’

Through Jeremiah, God warns us to not go back to Egypt, to not go back to the places He has saved us from. We are not to run back to our comfort whether fear or others should tempt us toward it. We are only to run towards Christ and to the places he calls us to stay or to leave. So then, as I sit and ponder this reality, I must question what is the Egypt in my own life? And, how is it drawing me back again?

Waiting On God

It’s been a long while since my good friend recommended that I read Waiting On God by Andrew Murray. In the spirit of waiting, I did, and now it’s been a few years and I am finally getting around to it. Last year, for Lent, I decided to give up sweets. Minus one small run in with a fortune cookie, I did it, learned a little about patience, increased confidence in my ability to have self-control, but was otherwise unchanged… And that’s ok. Lent isn’t about being changed, it is about being prepared through the unity of sacrifice. To, in some way, begin to comprehend Jesus’ sacrifice of His life on the cross and the power of His resurrection three days later. In short, Lent reminds me that eternal things are to be minded more than earthly things and for that to be so in my life, it requires being in constant states of rend. Not just during Lent, but all year round. I don’t “lent” for impact or favor, I lent because there is something about intentional and holy reminders, even when uncomfortable, that helps me understand God better and know Him a little more.

All that said, I began the journey of reading Waiting On God anticipating a 31- Day pep rally on why I should wait. And, while it’s all well and good to know why, there are times when it is more comforting to know how… And that’s what Murray delineates so clearly through the 15 days of reading I’ve done so far. On Day 2, he came with this line: “We hinder Him either by our indifference or by our self-effort, so that He cannot do what He would. What He asks of us, in the way of surrender, and obedience, and desire, and trust is all comprised in this one word: waiting on Him, waiting for His salvation.” See, even in our intent to wait, we put up defenses to impede His will over us and letting His work be done in our own life. Later, in Day 3, he nails this home by sharing this: “Just as it was God’s work to create, it is His work to maintain.” In saying this, we are implicated in our personal conspiracy to pray and live our way out of the situations and circumstances that cause us to need God. Waiting on God is never about reaching a point when we no longer need Him, it’s about reaching that point when we no longer need us.

So, despite the fact that my journey through Lent with Andrew Murray is not yet halfway through, I have read enough to understand that waiting is much greater than simply enduring the tension between the now and the not yet. There are, in fact, purposeful and meaningful ways to wait without apathy, anxiety, or human effort. As it states in Psalm 25 – “Let none that wait on You be ashamed.” Thus, as I wait, I shall understand that waiting is part of how God maintains my faith in Him, grows my need for him, and increases my longing for my heavenly home. In this, there is no shame for what has not yet come or for being still when the world around me “works” to get what they want. Let us each grow confident in patient waiting as we give way to God’s work in our own lives, not hindering His timing nor His plan.

Some Questions Unsettle Your Heart (52 Weeks of Questions: Week 6)

In deciding what to do with my quiet time this morning, I settled on reading a bit from My Utmost for His Highest. The verse reference came from Philippians 2:17 which states, “But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you.” Today’s heading said this: Are you ready to be poured out?


This question is an interesting one. In light of the most recent circumstances of my life – a sick parent, homeless ministry, etc., there are most certainly pouring out preferences in my heart, but as I write that, I know it’s not right. The question did not inquire whether or not I was ready to be poured out for an area of my choosing, it simply asked – Are you ready? My response is a little too close to “Yes, but…” to be considered real obedience.

Ugh, clean and simple were not promises God placed on any of our lives. I know that. I’m not always excited about it, but I know it. To quote Oswald Chambers’ devotional – “Do you say ‘I am not willing to be poured out right now and I don’t want God to tell me how to serve Him… I want to choose the place of my own sacrifice?’” That quote hits a little too close to home because… Well… It’s true. Of course I want to pick and choose… Stay and leave as it suits my comfort, my schedule, or – even worse – my expectations.

There is a rut that exists in sacrifice, a rut where we can get stuck time and time again… A rut that tells us that there is NO joy in sacrifice. This is a lie that must be fought against. In my humanness, I sometimes sit and think about the things that I deem worthy of sacrificing for… But this theology is so self-centric and far from Christ. We do not sacrifice in response to something or someone’s worth… We sacrifice in response to our own depravity in light of the sacrifice on the cross.

Over the course of this week and last, I have been studying Luke 9:23 – 24 which states: Then He said to them all: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.”

Simply put, we are not in God’s family or service to save ourselves. Admittedly, my natural gait tends towards self-preservation, but that is not what God desires.

So then…

Am I really willing to be poured out?


Am I willing to set aside preference for promise?


Am I believing enough to pick up my given cross rather than trying to choose my own?

The tension that comes from the confrontation of the gospel is thick in light of what God is demanding right now. I have no confidence that my flesh will yield a right response to these questions brought forth. But – my hope is Christ in me… Proven strong in my weakness… Outlasting my will in this battle to obey.

52 Weeks of Questions: Week 4

This question was inspired by one of my Discipleship Essential leaders, Emilee, who made me even more excited about Heaven than I already was.

We'll start by reading Revelation 19:6-8:

6 Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting:

“Hallelujah!
For our Lord God Almighty reigns.
7 Let us rejoice and be glad
and give him glory!
For the wedding of the Lamb has come,
and his bride has made herself ready.
8 Fine linen, bright and clean,
was given her to wear.”

The bride has made herself ready.

So, the question - What am I doing to prepare myself for Heaven?

One Word 365

Yeah, so beginning ONE WORD 365 (Version 2012) was slightly less exciting than in 2011. Though I was more than happy to leave CONTROL behind, I admit having small bits of fear thinking about how faithful God was to release (Read: rip frequently, quickly, and deeply) control of my life from my hands and placing it into His. Truth is, I haven’t really left my word from 2011 behind, I’ve just given it a friend… One more area for God to work and make me, well, more like him and less like me.


It has become a tradition among a small group of my friends to retreat for the final days of every year… A sort of spiritual preparation for the battles to come. Somehow, I talked them into participating in the One Word activity for a second straight year. No small feat considering how our words “took us out” in 2011. But the blow by blow reality of last year’s word was just evidence that God had picked the right word for each of us and was faithful enough to see it through in our lives… Even when we wanted to abandon the mess and head for higher ground. The truth is, you don’t walk away from faithfulness, even when it’s painful and hard because what is faithful has a promise that is greater and longer lasting than any other lure.

So, there were three words that came to mind when praying about what my word should be in 2012 – joy, prayer, deeper (That last one was actually a friend’s suggestion that I wanted to prayer block pretty badly)… Anyhow, when it came down to the reveal (Yes, we have a reveal when we share our words together, write them down, and place them inside a book we think no one will ever actually read at our retreat house and come back to them a couple times a year.), the word was JOY.

Joy because sometimes the journey is rough and joy seems hard to find. Joy because it is a fruit of the spirit and we are called to it. And, joy because I can see some of the steep climbs ahead in this year and I want to prepare my heart in advance, if at all possible. (Insert joke about how I haven’t actually given up control here.)

So there it is – joy – the promise of walking away from the world and marching on towards heaven. Here’s to staying the course in 2012.

52 Questions: Week 3

The great thing about questions is that they are never in short supply.


And, by great, I mean slightly frustrating…

So, as I was prepping to write for this week, I had one question in mind. Then, as I sat waiting for a friend to arrive at church yesterday, I overheard a better, more relevant question. Well, overheard isn’t exactly accurate… I was sitting near two men who seemed engaged in a discipleship sort of relationship and may have feigned reading a book while I listened in on what questions guys ask each other in these types of conversations. The one guy was talking about what God was doing in his life and the mentor listened, waited, and then tossed this question back at him:

“Are you pursuing what God is calling you to in your life? Or, do you think you are looking at what you want to change about your past and using God as your reason for changing it?”

Hmmm… I’ve never thought about it this way, but what a great question. I’ve read/heard many people speak about loving God for God and not for His gifts, but I’ve never heard this question before, though it seems like it might have a similar root. Before I had enough time to wonder about it for my own life, my friend had arrived and we were on to something different. So in order to make my eavesdropping spiritual, I thought I’d give this question the attention it deserves and spend some time pondering it this week.