A Managed Soul

The slow and innocent hum of pursuing the mundane softly plays in the background of everyone’s head. Love less. Pray less. Give less. Serve less. Whatever it is, do it less. And instead, consider what we like and follow aimlessly after it as if it were the means to our end. These are not the times the try men’s souls, for if they were, we might recognize them. These are, however, the days that wear men’s souls… Quietly antiquating godly pursuits while bartering for the world in the marketplace of good and evil. On the trading grounds where the spiritual has less street value than the temporal, how can we distinguish the true value of anything and then determine our hearts to pursue it? These are the days of vapid existence and false reality. These are the times when the term “God is love” seems trite and though many may acknowledge that it is still universally applicable, they would also contest that it’s not for them and you can believe what you want. Meandering without intention through life has quenched our thirst for God… We may have drifted to a quiet tune… But the music took us far off the shoreline of remembering the reckless love of God and brought us into the waters of the managed soul. Richard Kreeft in his book, The God Who Loves You, wrote that “a managed soul is a frozen soul.” To be frozen is to be immovable, cold to the touch, and, in this case, in a state not fit for change. As we seek to micro manage our feelings, our reactions, and our behaviors all for a good impression towards the world we see our souls slowly dying… Not because life is not available, but because atrophy has set in and the soul lost its power to be used, guided, and shaped as God had intended. It can be hard as the world tends to be both ruthless and relentless, suffering and challenge abounds, and managing our soul seems to be the only way to navigate forward with any hope of survival. And, it’s not that we couldn’t use God’s help in the matter it’s just that we’re not always sold on the fact that it necessarily makes any difference. If God allows these hard things to happen, then tell me, what is the necessity in inclining my soul towards his? It’s a fair question. Later on in his book, Kreeft puts into words exactly what my mind must know to become like Paul, content in suffering, and carry on… cross on back, self behind, and God as the finish line… He says, “I need to know that my very sufferings and failures are the caress of His personal, individual love-plan for me, not the inevitable result of his impersonal justice.” I agree. Though the latter is fair, to thaw my soul I must understand that my suffering, my struggle, my cross is part of my personal plan of love from God for my life. For as long as I distinguish God as distant, my heart can never truly consider that it might brush against Him and forever change the way I live.

A Short Blurb For A Long Month

Here is a list: photocopied souls, standardized selves, mass conformity, the lonely crowd.

The words? Seemingly distant, yet achingly familiar. In a time when loving the world, entertaining temptation, and climbing every possible ladder seems both popular and easy, I find it incredibly difficult to walk God’s terrain denying myself and carrying my cross.

Our wills of conformity to the savior and unwillingness to compromise have been weakened. Not because we have gone into the battle and come out wounded, but because have yet to train and build endurance for self-denial and cross carrying. If I cease my training when it becomes hard or at the point of muscle fatigue, how can I grow? How can I ever deny myself further than my wanton desires or carry my cross farther than my capricious needs?

I cannot. I am human. And alone – I am incapable.

Enter Savior…

Fellows Reflection: October 2010

To be honest, this month was brutal. The texts we so incredibly convicting and it was easy to recognize how far short I fall from the foot of the cross on a regular basis. Perhaps one of the most compelling parts of the month came in the action assignment, where we were given a set of scripture points to read through and reflect on as we carved out several hours with God. As I began to read through the verse from Mark 8, I recognized both stirrings and questions. I was called to take up my cross, but wondered, frankly, what is my cross? And, even more, as the verse continued I questioned my own life in light of the gospel and wondered if I was truly “all in.” Each person is responsible for the negotiating the world/soul exchange question… For no decision is actually a decision in and of itself. Furthermore, when we look at the paradox of losing our life to save it or saving our life only to lose it, I was struck by this statement: “Our unbelief about these truths is at the root of all sin.” True… Maybe too true. I guess that I recognized that that statement is so all or nothing. I can’t have both. I either lose to save or save to lose. I see in this my desire to quench two thirsts: my thirst for God and my thirst for the world. I fear giving up the world because this world is all I know.

Conviction was furthered by recognizing several times over what the reality of following Christ really looks like. The article, Others May, You Cannot, most succinctly described by conflict between flesh and following Christ… That there may be things that others may do, see, or experience… But there are things that I will not. I may be called to a life of smallness, poverty, or obscurity. Or as the articles states, I will definitely be called “to a life of crucifixion and humility.” This is helpful in aligning my purpose for every day and seems to parallel the first condition of coming after Jesus as described in Mark 8:34, which is to deny myself. I do not choose the ways and the whys of God’s rebuke, guidance, or shepherding… But, merely attempt to practice the art of joyfully and sincerely following, conditions set aside, in an attempt to become more and more like him each day. This is the “necessity of forming a firm intention to please God” and striving not for worldly gains, but for growth in purity and honoring the Lord with my life. We’ve come to accept failure and falling short as part of being broken people in a broken world. We acknowledge that grace covers us, but find ourselves conflicted as to why we do not see God or experience holiness in the ways of past generations. William Law says it nicely by expressing, “And if you will stop here and ask yourselves why you are not as pious as the primitive Christians were, your own heart will tell you that it is neither through ignorance or inability, but purely because you never thoroughly intended it…” That truth stings a little because I pause and ask myself if I intended on trying to follow God 100% or merely balance the great juxtaposition of a life with Christ and a life in the world? Through our time dedicated to recommitment this month, I recognized that I want the former and to follow hard after him.

So when he calls to us, we are not simply called to walk behind him, but to be trained in a new way. We can only see his kingdom as he leads us through it and, when it comes to following Jesus, there is no looking back. We see this in the case of Lot’s wife when she looked back and turned into the pillar of salt. Looking back is paralysis in faith and could possibly be a permanent condition which renders us apart from faith when we don’t willingly turn against it. We see this even more through the passage from Luke 9:57 – 62 when people are informed of the true cost of follow-ship. Many days we walk through life noticing that being a disciple costs more, is more difficult, and much more inconvenient than we expected when we began the journey. “But first” is the statement, being a reflection of the heart, that prevents us from really knowing the Lord. We sign on for conditional discipleship, which is really no discipleship at all. Making conditions reveals our true sincerity… or lack of it when it comes to following Christ. In the process of encountering Christ, there comes a point when the recognition of “no other way” is a reality. The father has bid us come, not the other way around… However, we accept this invitation and the journey begins. As grace covers sin along the holy landscape, we take advantage of the fact that it is this covering that grants us eternity. This is the beauty of the cross and it is this that I want to come back to in times of distance and difficulty in my walk with the Lord. There is relief in knowing that surely grace covers all these things.