This question is an interesting one. In light of the most recent circumstances of my life – a sick parent, homeless ministry, etc., there are most certainly pouring out preferences in my heart, but as I write that, I know it’s not right. The question did not inquire whether or not I was ready to be poured out for an area of my choosing, it simply asked – Are you ready? My response is a little too close to “Yes, but…” to be considered real obedience.
Ugh, clean and simple were not promises God placed on any of our lives. I know that. I’m not always excited about it, but I know it. To quote Oswald Chambers’ devotional – “Do you say ‘I am not willing to be poured out right now and I don’t want God to tell me how to serve Him… I want to choose the place of my own sacrifice?’” That quote hits a little too close to home because… Well… It’s true. Of course I want to pick and choose… Stay and leave as it suits my comfort, my schedule, or – even worse – my expectations.
There is a rut that exists in sacrifice, a rut where we can get stuck time and time again… A rut that tells us that there is NO joy in sacrifice. This is a lie that must be fought against. In my humanness, I sometimes sit and think about the things that I deem worthy of sacrificing for… But this theology is so self-centric and far from Christ. We do not sacrifice in response to something or someone’s worth… We sacrifice in response to our own depravity in light of the sacrifice on the cross.
Over the course of this week and last, I have been studying Luke 9:23 – 24 which states: Then He said to them all: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.”
Simply put, we are not in God’s family or service to save ourselves. Admittedly, my natural gait tends towards self-preservation, but that is not what God desires.
So then…
Am I really willing to be poured out?
Am I willing to set aside preference for promise?
Am I believing enough to pick up my given cross rather than trying to choose my own?
The tension that comes from the confrontation of the gospel is thick in light of what God is demanding right now. I have no confidence that my flesh will yield a right response to these questions brought forth. But – my hope is Christ in me… Proven strong in my weakness… Outlasting my will in this battle to obey.
