Posits On Precepts

So, I’ve been studying Precept: Isaiah for about 4 months now. The official title of the series is Precept Upon Precept, but it often seems more like Revelation Upon Revelation. I guess they can’t name the study that as people would be confused about which book was actually being precept-ed (yes, I just made that a verb)… But, truly, that is how it seems. In a book that reflects the construction of the bible itself, there is much to be gleaned, much to be applied, and, as I learned pretty quickly, much I don’t understand. Perhaps it wasn’t the most prudent choice to start my precept-ing journey here, but hey, it’s all or nothing, right?

It honestly shocks me that I am four months in sans blog entry, but Precept: Isaiah is intense… It’s all one can do to actually finish the days in a timely manner. So, in reflecting on Israel, and their life as the chosen nation, it’s hard to understand from a reader’s perspective why they struggled so much, for so long, so blantantly. I think sometimes I read Isaiah and plop myself in the reader pool or judgment rather than the reader pool of mercy. It’s easy to pick on Israel. It’s easy to see their waywardness. It’s frustrating to try to understand their perpetual back-turning and obsession with idols… Until you realize it’s you that you’re reading about, clutching an idol in one hand, thumbing through the journey of the chosen people with the other.

Anxiety riddled these people. Anxiety caused them to carve idols out of wood, to panic in times of question, and to look all around them for self-made solutions when God had promised one in waiting all along. Which brings us to the tenth verse in chapter 41: “Do not look anxiously about you, for I am your God.”

Scrambling. The act of hurrying about, picking up the pieces of normal, and rushing to plug the holes of discontent, unmet expectations, imperfections, worry, and trials in our life. This is the story of the chosen people. They scrambled all the time. And so do we. When we anxiously look about, what are we even looking for? A way to stop the flood? A timeline for the return to normal? Just as God has brought trial, difficulty, imperfection, etc. to our life, so too will He bring about solution. God does not prepare a trial without preparing a specific end tailored to the needs in our life.

I’ve learned a lot from the wayward kings and their imitating followers. There are things I control and things I clearly don’t. When trial makes its appearance in my life, I have choices. I can look around and scramble for my idol. Or, I can pause, remember God’s word to His people, and look to Christ. I’ve thought this for a while, but if there is one thing I want to try to learn from the chosen people, it’s how to learn these lessons by study and not by experience. Isaiah affords us a chance to do that so that we are not relegated to a life of anxiety clutching lies in our right hands.

A Letter To Myself...

After many mission trips, I’ve been encouraged to write a letter to God in a self-addressed envelope to be delivered to me about a year later. Last year, as a part of the Fellows Program, I was again encouraged to write a letter to myself. I sort of hate these types of activities. The thing is, I have this terrible habit of not re-reading the things I write. I proudly pen journals only to quasi-benignly ignore them. It’s great to get it all out, but I have serious hesitations about revisiting the thoughts, feelings, and events that lead me to journal in the first place. I’m more of a crisis journal-er than a diary keeper. Haha – It’s probably why I have cut a deal with my closest friends about what needs to happen with my journals if I die suddenly. Every person should have a short list of people with enough will power to “burn the journals”…

That said, it surprised me when I got the feeling to write a letter to myself before this school year. Granted, this year is different from a lot of others since I switched schools (And by switched schools, I mean I willingly entered into a whole different world from the one I embedded myself in for the last 5 years)… So, the letter was really a pep talk. A note for the hard days. An exposition of the heart that drove the decision to leave the favorable for the formidable. A reminder of the gentle “follow me” I heard from Jesus last November.

So, on my last night of freedom before this new school year began, I sat in my reading chair in my room and penned a letter to myself. One week in and I have found myself repeating certain lines to myself over and over again already. It shouldn’t be all that surprising that the very things God initiates He uses, but I continue to be surprised and loved through these holy coincidences.

Here are a few excerpts of what God revealed as I sat with my laptop last Monday night:

“You followed the prompting to leave what was comfortable, what was enviable, and the place where your reputation was housed to go and see what God was talking about. You trusted Him and you left South Riding knowing it wouldn’t be easy, knowing that these days and months might bring you to tears, fully aware that you would be laying one life aside for another…

Over the calendar year leading up to your new school, your word for the year was “control”. Everything about this decision gives the opportunity for God to have control or for you to keep it like you always have. Give all of this to God and be amazed by what He will do at that school. Jesus loved the poor, the unlovable, and the needy. Read His story and emulate His behavior. The vineyard is ripe and you are among it, so be good fruit. You won’t make it through this year, this school, this situation if you don’t let God do the work. You saw how the last year went, how you labored, how you felt, and how you had to go. Sometimes discomfort is a gift that lets us know that we can’t stay in that place anymore. You probably are hesitant to agree, but that pain prompted you towards God and as your pain increased, God gave you a vision for what He was calling you to in this next year…

Have you tasted Him in the early mornings and long days at your school? You will feel tired. You will feel defeated. But you are not alone at that school. God goes before you. God goes with you. Have full confidence that for what He has called you, He has also prepared you… Your heart alone will not be able to take or understand all that will happen this year. You hope that it will be more than you can ask or imagine, but you fear that it will be more than you’re willing to give, more than you’re able to take, and harder than your heart can stand. Trials are how God loves you. Growth is evidence that you’re both in it together. So, how did you grow? What do you know now that you didn’t know before? Did you give God the chance to be greater than you asked or imagined Him to be?

Your year is not your year. It belongs to Christ. Put yourself in positions to trust Him and watch Him prove Himself both worthy and spectacular. Be excited for He called you here and He is prepared to make Himself known at your school.

Keep your heart in this call, your hand in Christ’s, and have an amazing year.”

Stuff Other People Wrote...

I’ve recently joked about renaming my blog, “Stuff Other People Wrote (And I how I feel about it…)”.

But seriously, it does sometimes take the words of another to piece together my own mental fragments. I think that’s the reason God puts us in community, at least in part. This past year, I have been reading the Jesus Calling Devotional by Sarah Young before my prayer time. I have to say, it helps me to make sense of the mental chaos by writing as if Jesus were talking directly to me. It helps me posture better towards Him and acquaint myself with this personal God that I often struggle to understand and sell short on His promises.

Last week, I came across this particular entry which was SO profound. Enjoy!

Understanding will never bring you Peace. That’s why I have instructed you to trust in Me, not in your own understanding. Human beings have a voracious appetite for trying to figure things outs, in order to gain a sense of mastery over their lives. But the world presents you with an endless series of problems. As soon as you master one set, another pops up to challenge you. The relief you had anticipated is short-lived. Soon your mind is gearing up again: searching for understanding (mastery), instead of seeking Me (your Master).

The wisest of all men, Solomon, could never think his way through to Peace. His vast understanding resulted in feelings of futility, rather than in fulfillment. Finally, he lost his way and succumbed to the will of his wives by worshiping idols.

My Peace is not an elusive goal, hidden at the center of some complicated maze. Actually, you are always enveloped in Peace, which is inherent in My Presence. As you look to Me, you gain awareness of this Precious Peace.

Proverbs 3:5 – 6, Romans 5:1, 2 Thessalonians 3:16

To Thailand And Back: A Month Long Adventure To The Other Side Of The World

The last time I went away for more than two weeks, it was called college. So, understandably I was a little anxious leading up to a trip that would take me to the other side of the world for nearly a month. I had just finished my fifth and final year at my school and would now being moving onto a new place. This trip marked the definitive end of one era and the beginning of the next; unplugging from nearly all the familiar and tuning into the unfamiliar.

I said to a friend not long ago during the grueling and often uncomfortable application process to DC Public Schools that I thought it was okay to be uncomfortable every now and again (Then I told her not to quote me on that...) And, in a small way, going to Thailand (Yes, I know it was a vacation…) for a month pushed me there too. Being in a foreign land is always a little surreal, but to be there for an extended time makes detachment so tangible and forces engagement with the new life around you. Discomfort comes in many different forms… Anything new brings it on, but our perception of its potential outcome is what raises or calms our fears as we take on a new challenge. In a foreign land, there is hope because clear and distinct endings and beginnings raise an awareness that things could be new when we cross this starting line. So, it’s good to be uncomfortable… Because discomfort will raise fear… Fear will raise doubt… Doubt will beg faith… And faith will create hope… It’s not the connection I always make, but traveling around the world with 23 hour flights on either end will sometimes produce a life equation that was never present in us before.

Traveling is healthy. I find it’s not so good to stay in any one place too long. Though it may be good to pause and let our thoughts dwell and reflect, faith is about walking. It’s about moving, when laziness, routine, and comfort tell us to stay. Sometimes it takes a physical departure from our norm to spur us on in our faith walks… Other times it comes in a different disguise. Challenging our faith denies complacency. The more I’ve gotten to know Jesus, the more frequently I see this occurring. I don’t always understand it, but I’ve slowly learned that I don’t have to. I think Sarah Young delineates it best when she writes this from God’s perspective: “Understanding will never bring you Peace. That is why I have instructed you to trust in Me, not your own understanding.”

In the same way, searching for comfort will also never bring us peace. In fact, a life with Jesus is most likely short on comfort and high on disruption. But, these holy disturbances are preparation for a life to come and evidence that we do not live for what is here on earth, but for something far greater. I had a friend whose church theme for Lent was “Disturb us, Lord.” And, as scary as it may seem to bring that question forward, it is this disturbance that acquaints us with our weakness and avails His strength.

Do we trust God enough to ask Him to disturb us?

Mending The Meaning

I once heard the term “mending the meaning” and it intrigued me.

And now, as I look back at the year that was, I guess that’s exactly what I’m trying to do – mend the meaning. Piece together the fragmented events and knit one story that illustrates this past year – my first year with the CS Lewis Institute, my fifth and final year at Freedom High School, and everything in between. Mending the meaning means looking at what was and now examining what is and all the steps in between.

I knew starting the Fellows Program with the CS Lewis Institute would be a challenging yet rewarding faith experience. I expected to grow, I expected to see God more, and I expected to have a better understanding of who God is. I knew it would require discipline, obedience, and sacrifice. And now, on the other side of this first year with many pages read, papers written, and thoughts opined I find myself at the end of one adventure and prepared to move onto the next.

There was a night in November that was just like any other night. And by that I mean, I came home from work and began the required texts for the Fellows Program (If you’re a Fellow, you know what I mean). While reading, I felt a tug and a whisper… A prompting that being in my current job allowed me one thing – the opportunity to make rich people richer. I know there is a place for every teacher in every school and in the life of every young person, but for me, the call was distinct and clear and that’s the night I knew I’d leave South Riding forever and follow God in obedience wherever He led.

The months that followed went from inquiry and prayer, to application and audition, to interview and waiting, to offerings and acceptance; each step requiring a little more obedience than the last and surrendering answers for questions as I progressed through the process. Timing was everything. And, while some parts took me to the point of my current faith, others took me far beyond.

In the midst of all this, I was encouraged by this comment from our pastor who said, “God is never late. And, God is never early. But, God is always on time.”

In the end, I walked to out to the alter of choice and let God decide where to send me next. For a long time I felt certain that it would be the inner city and at other times I thought not. In the end, I’ll head to Falls Church High School in the fall and because of that I walk forward with a new calling placed upon me for the year to come. I may not know exactly what to expect, but I do know to expect God to move in this new place. I expect Him to mend the meaning of the phases that He walked me through this spring and I expect to be pushed beyond my current point of faith as well.

In letting go we find ourselves being held. As Charles Spurgeon once said, “None are so safe as those whom God keeps; none so much in danger as the self-secure.”

Farewell To Freedom

So, I'm leaving my school this year... Kind of exciting. Kind of terrifying.

Here are a few reflections and words of gratitude that I've left behind on my school webpage:

http://cmsweb1.lcps.org/52220818151039853/site/default.asp

Fellows Reflection: June 2011

Post-modernism. It took me a long time to come to an understanding of exactly what this term means. I understand it through illustration. I understand that I see it in action pretty much every day. But, having a solid definition in my mind was a little more difficult to attain. Perhaps the very nature of post-modernism lends itself to ambiguity. Any way of thinking/living that is as confined and defined by human experience seems sometimes personal and often nebulous. In its personal way, it is appealing and seems much like Jesus. In its ambiguous way, it feels less like gospel and more like feeling. And, if there is one truth I’ve learned as a believer it’s not to always trust your feelings.

In reading many texts about the topic, I have come to see the benefits of this line of thinking. It appeals to the average person who wants Jesus to be both accepting and kind. Jesus feels good and; thus, can be trusted. Jesus is our friend and wants to answer our prayers. He guides us, but does not force us. He is love and, as is often quoted, love wins. For some, Jesus ends there. But, Mark Driscoll indicates that a grasp of the incarnate Christ needs to be accompanied by an equal grasp of the authority of the exalted Christ.

It is essential to not receive Jesus in parts. For as we accept his love and grace, so must we accept his truth and costly discipleship. Difficulty should not be a deterrent from Christ or evidence that He is not as powerful as He purports, but rather evidence that heaven is not earth and; as such, an indication that we still have a ways to go. Trial is the evidence that God loves us… Just ask James. Further, in its application through personal experience, postmodernism lacks a consistency that often gives us enough faith to press on. Finding an identity through an evolutionary perspective of God proves personally difficult as it seems somewhat subjective and prone to outside influence. Tim Keller describes the life of the postmodern (not necessarily Christian) like this: “their identities constantly shape-shift as they move through a series of life episodes that are not tightly connected to each other. They are always ready to change direction and abandon commitments and loyalties without qualms and to pursue, on a personal cost-benefit basis, the best opportunity available to them.” In theory, one would assume that this would allow postmodern Christians to be relevant, but where is the line between relevancy and flippancy? And, given that postmodernism is subject to a waxing toward the positive, it is acceptable to also wonder how post-moderns understand the concept of Hell.

Keller describes it this way: “In contrast to the traditionalist, the postmodern person is hostile to the very idea of hell. People with more secular and postmodern mindsets tend to have (a) only a vague belief in the divine, if at all, and (b) little sense of moral absolutes, but rather a sense they need to be true to their dreams.” From what I understand to be biblical truth, the bible does not seem to be unclear about these issues. So then, how can any believer afford to be? It is more than necessary to “be correct” in this area as a matter of doctrinal correctness, but because it is truly a matter of eternal life or eternal damnation.

All of that said, how does a growing understanding of a postmodern view that is symbolic of much human perspective operate in light of this month memory verse from Romans 12:2? In it we are mandated to “… not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” It seems as if it lends to being relevant through renewal, not at the sake of the gospel, but in light of it. Movement is not symptomatic of straying from that which is godly, but our movement falls and is guided under the authority of Christ, who is our ultimate approver apart from any of our dreams, experiences, or feelings. As we experience the fullness of Christ more and more, we understand that God is both experiential and relational. In this, we find Him both personal and loving, yet unyielding and uncompromising. True faith may waver in its strength from time to time, but it shall not waver in its foundation which is the rock that is Christ.

Some things are just ALWAYS funny...

Like pictures of animals driving cars...

Or, even better, videos of animals driving cars...



Seriously, this always makes my day better. I know. A little awkward.

Confident Repetition

There’s always a purpose to repetition. Whether it’s to help me take notice or training to create a new way, repetition breeds habit, and habit helps foster an atmosphere of comfort. While comfort is not always the end goal, creating comfort in the ways of the Lord helps us to face a life of faith with a certain confidence, knowing that the repetitive promptings of Christ in our life convict us into both action and belief. The concept of “considering it all joy” has been at the forefront of both mind and reality this week. In the midst of trials, we are called to be obedient in a way that seems somewhat counterintuitive, but the repetitive call about how to consider this aspect of life brings comfort through understanding and revelation that God’s truth has tidal consistency.

Through the words of Charles Spurgeon, I am encouraged to know that trials ripen us for inheritance and are part of the preparation for our soul.

"He led them forth by the right way."
Psalm 107:7

Changeful experience often leads the anxious believer to inquire "Why is it thus with me?" I looked for light, but lo, darkness came; for peace, but behold, trouble. I said in my heart, my mountain standeth firm; I shall never be moved. Lord, thou dost hide thy face, and I am troubled. It was but yesterday that I could read my title clear; today my evidences are bedimmed, and my hopes are clouded. Yesterday, I could climb to Pisgah's top, and view the landscape o'er, and rejoice with confidence in my future inheritance; today, my spirit has no hopes, but many fears; no joys, but much distress. Is this part of God's plan with me? Can this be the way in which God would bring me to heaven?
Yes, it is even so. The eclipse of your faith, the darkness of your mind, the fainting of your hope, all these things are but parts of God's method of making you ripe for the great inheritance upon which you shall soon enter. These trials are for the testing and strengthening of your faith--they are waves that wash you further upon the rock--they are winds which waft your ship the more swiftly towards the desired haven. According to David's words, so it might be said of you, "So he bringeth them to their desired haven." By honour and dishonour, by evil report and by good report, by plenty and by poverty, by joy and by distress, by persecution and by peace, by all these things is the life
of your souls maintained, and by each of these are you helped on your way. Oh, think not, believer, that your sorrows are out of God's plan; they are necessary parts of it. "We must, through much tribulation, enter the kingdom." Learn, then, even to "count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations."

"O let my trembling soul be still,

And wait thy wise, thy holy will!

I cannot, Lord, thy purpose see,

Yet all is well since ruled by thee."

--Charles Spurgeon

Vacation: Also a calling?

I love vacations. I love copious amounts of time where the only agenda is to meander somewhere between pondering on life’s great truths and making decisions about where to eat dinner. I love being up in the morning with nowhere to go, fresh coffee at hand, a journal and pen, a bible, and an iPod. In long stretches of detachment from here, I sense availability and a hush to the din of everyday living… A quiet gap with space for the Lord to speak, to take his time, and for me to be quiet enough, still enough, and slow enough to make out what he is saying.

Tuesday, April 19th, 2011
Antigua, Guatemala

So, it’s our first full day here in Antigua. After a long night of sleep we awoke early to a rather idyllic scene… Birds chirping, sun coming in through our window, fresh fruit for breakfast. This morning, we spent some time discussing the month’s Issues to Ponder (CS Lewis Institute stuff) and how those relate to the call on our life…. It’s interesting because calling seems so ambiguous and undefined at times. I guess because we are not technically bound to a call there is both freedom and fear that we could leave it… Or, perhaps, that it could leave us… And, I suppose that is why I find it hard to have true allegiance to it at times.

I often wondered why it was that I had no direction about what I wanted to do with my life until after college was already complete. I now consider that it could have been a product of no call being placed on my life until my life was actually committed to Christ. Maybe a call without obedience is a dangerous thing… To haphazardly invest in another’s life seems unwise apart from the Holy Spirit… I mean truly, what would I have to offer?

In looking back, that journal entry seems so incomplete. But, in a way, so true. In living a life apart from Christ, things always seemed so undefined. And now, even in the midst of both personal and professional unknowing, I sense more definition than ever before. I may not know my agenda for tomorrow, but I still understand my calling for today. I often forget the simplest of truths is to walk by faith, not by sight. In listening to a new Tim Hughes’ song, Counting On Your Name, the other day, I was refreshed by this clear and unadorned lyric which stated only that “I’m trusting you’re the way.”



In returning from vacation, I am reminded that in everyday living questions always outnumber answers. But, in returning to those lyrics, I realize that there are questions, I mean big questions, that I already know the answer to. The ease of vacation is not the reality of our daily situation. But, in the steady flow of the daily, we are called and directed to what Christ truly has in store for us. A life of invested obedience results in an eternity of sprouted glory. Our call is obedience. Our location is everywhere. Our time frame is always.

Fellows Reflection: May 2011

Living in the DC Metro area it is easy to feel guilty that my work is not my life. More often than not, I find myself around people who are “married to their job” or gain their personal definition by what they do for a living. Walking around in a sea of overachievers is exhausting and begs questioning about the marriage between man, job, and God. What is the balance between godly dedication to our call and neglect of margin in our lives? In Os Guinness’s book, The Call, Oswald Chambers says the following: “Beware of anything that competes with loyalty to Jesus Christ.” It is here that I find the gray area between being dedicated to our calling and having competition with our walk. Though Chambers’ quote should be the measuring stick by which we assess our priority on work, we are wise to investigate the purpose behind the place God has called us to spend a majority of our days.

The following is a list of three of the best known teacher movies: Stand and Deliver, Dangerous Minds, Freedom Writers Diary. Each is a compelling story of a teacher who looks beyond obstacles and gets an unlikely, and sometimes unwilling, group of students motivated to learn and do the impossible. This is the lifeblood of the calling of a teacher. Within these films though, there is a subtle secondary message, which shows that in order to do this, it takes everything you have. In each of these films, we see the characters struggle with health problems, issues in their past, and even divorce. Certainly, giving everything means sacrificing something. And this is where I get stuck. Stuck between expectation and reality. Stuck between giving my work to God and slowly being defined by it. And, stuck between what makes sense on paper and what God might be leading me towards.

Work is so interesting when viewed through a godly perspective. It’s one of the few arenas where we are in one location for a long amount of time. To think that work life could be lived without a posture of intentionality or worship is probably ridiculous. This, however, can be burdensome when work becomes difficult because we do find it challenging to find a purpose in our practice when the weight of work rests upon our shoulders. When we fail to find “success” in our work, do we then also lack the same before God? There is no denying that we are to be invested and evangelical to our co-workers, there are no questions about if we are to give our best, and there are no exceptions to our response to unfair or difficult situations. In Jerram Bars article, Work: A Holy Calling, he notes that “we are called to be faithful, submissive, and respectful even in difficult situations.” Godliness is our call and we are accountable to God for the work that we’re doing. This is further confirmed in Bars’ article when he poses this at the reader: “Christ Himself will ask us how we worked. Were you faithful? Did you work hard? Are you someone who just worked to please other people or did you work with genuine righteousness? That is the challenge to all of us in our work, and in every area of our lives.” This question make me pause and wonder, “How would I answer?”

So then, where is our accountability to the life we live between Monday and Friday? And who pushes us towards righteousness in our work as well as in our private life? Are we, as Guinness suggested, “willing to lead an examined life, travel with those who use the same signposts, and associate with all those who long for the same home?” The affirmative of this is what carries us through our call to work, which aids in our strength and resolve to “do it well” in all arenas, and questions who and what we work for in our lives. Work is not a means to an end. Work is a means to please our Savior. And, work is a venue where the word becomes flesh and we see the Lord both challenge and reward us.

Though I am encouraged to know this, I admit I am discouraged by how I feel about my work on certain days. To quote Guinness again, “Our faith is a pilgrim faith essentially at odds with place and settlement.” This makes the sometimes repetitive and pedestrian parts of our “calling” challenge us with apathy, resentment, and pride. We see that much of our pilgrimage journeys through lands laden with emotions. As with much in our walk, we note that feeling is not a pre-requisite to obedience. We’re not asked how we feel about obedience, we’re simply called to do it swiftly. Considering our work, in which we continually don the robe of a disciple, we are reminded that we “are obedient to the call of Jesus only insofar as (we) are prepared to pay the cost.” Thus we can conclude that our work is not only part of our call, but also part of our cost. To honor and worship the Lord through what we do is difficult when we know that we must sustain it for a long period of time, but the same can be said of our faith walk. Sure, we will be met with failure along the way, but work, along with life, is lived in the shadow of grace and a God who wants to love us through growing us.

Reflections On Lent...

So, Lent has come to an end.

Well, technically, it came to an end more than a week ago, so my reflections on Lent are a little slow.

It’s okay though because slow in Spanish is “lenta” (Kind of like Lent, right?) and since I spent several days of the last week of Lent in Guatemala, I think it’s fine that these thoughts have tarried in coming. I’ve never really “done” Lent before despite being surrounded by many participants on the campus of my Catholic University years ago. This year, after dedicating much time in the past months to celebrating and exploring the spiritual disciplines, I thought I’d give Lent a go.

During my quiet time on Maundy Thursday, these were the thoughts that passed through my mind sometime between breakfast and hiking up to the cross later that day.

Thursday, April 21st

So, Lent is coming to an end. Tonight would be the Last Supper and the test of Jesus would soon be commencing in Jerusalem. I recall hearing that no real decisions were made by Jesus in these days, but in every other day that had preceded these. Though Lent is entirely different, that’s kind of how I see it too. The struggle of fasting from things came in the training and habit breaking of the first few weeks of Lent… the battle to take on a new mind set and willingly obey the choice to abstain from something for 46 days (Haha – this was no joke… There were no breaks on Sundays…) When focused, I find it relatively easy and almost enjoyable to surrender something for a fixed amount of time… Knowing that one day I’ll get it back and it will be glorious. I guess in that way, Lent represents heaven… Imminent heaven…

At times, I craved many things in this six weeks, but by saying no, I realize now that I never really missed out on anything. The truth is that I dealt with temptation by knowing the truth that I could have the things I wanted eventually anyhow. I knew that whatever “it” was, was eventually coming and it was going to be better because I did it the way I was supposed to. And on Easter Sunday, in accordance with a resurrected Christ, I again will get to enjoy the bounty of the freedom of living in Christ.

So… How does this transfer from the “lent” from things we want to the abstinence from the things we are called to avoid? Certainly, it shall be more difficult to fast from behaviors or thought patterns which will have no joy or benefit from indulgence after a set time of refrain… And, what is the possibility of setting aside that which is not good if I can comfortably set aside something that is good? Basically, my question is this: If I can lay something (sweets, material goods, etc.) down for a set amount of time for the glory of the Lord, how much more satisfying should I find it to set down a sin or unhealthy behavior in the very same way? Should I not expect the Lord to provide? Should I not expect to see Him reveal Himself magnificent that I might come to understand after a period of fasting that I am no longer bound to that thing? That I do not look forward to the coming moment of indulgence, but rather, like tithing, the coming moment of handing it over to the Lord expecting nothing in return?

It may be safe to say that these 46 days have simply made me ready for the next. After this many days, I don’t really find myself craving that which I laid down not that long ago, but more so, seeing that I don’t need it any longer. I am curious to see how this translates into other aspects of my life in the months and years to come…

Fellows Reflection: April 2011

Ashley Storm
Fellows Reflection: April 2011

This month’s theme was described as being transformed through the bible which was supplemented by a topic sentence stating: Holy Scripture, like prayer, is also a primary means of grace in the life of the believer. Taking only a cursory look at scripture leaves us with a perpetual question of whether the word is, in fact, living and active. However, spending time pouring over scripture allows us to engage with an active word, delineate an invisible God, and encounter grace through the life of other believers, assuring us that what was true for them is equally true for us. This premise is similar to how yeast works in bread. Without the living component, it falls sadly short. But, these words having a living culture inside them, which actively renews and ministers to us when we approach it intentionally.

CS Lewis noted the importance of this intentional time when he said, “It is always just possible that Jesus Christ meant what He said when He told us to seek the secret place and close the door.” This is confirmed in the writings of Dietrich Bonhoeffer who notes value in communally examining the scriptures together, but places the emphasis on that which happens simply between God and man alone. That Jesus engages us individually is the embodiment of deep calling unto deep in that He has sought to engage the innermost parts of our being through his word. These letters, widely applicable yet deeply personal, do not shy away from truth in order to communicate love, but rather generate truth in order that we may understand and be loved more. In their broadest sense, the scriptures are a map for how to navigate that which came before us into that which is yet to be. They leave us with a taste that there are things we have yet to see and are worth fighting for on a daily basis. As our head knowledge continues to grow through information intake, our hearts struggle to catch up and get on board with what the scripture reveals. Even still we find a necessary and timely intervention by applying scripture, as Lewis says, “to where we are.” This privilege and ability is one of the greatest assets we have as believes. We may find that our hearts are always a little hesitant to surrender, but successful surrender finds its reward in the ability to surrender again. Scripture meditation is the venue where head and heart encounter Jesus personally and are tenderly persuaded to leave good and pursue great.

In J.I. Packer’s article, he makes this point: “To moderns drowning in hopelessness, disappointed, disillusioned, despairing emotionally isolated, bitter and aching inside, Bible truth comes as a lifeline, for it is future oriented and hope centered throughout.” This truth is the heart of our existence as God’s children. This orientation towards what is yet to come quietly indicates that as believers, this life on earth is actually the worst it will ever be as we have already secured our place among the heavenlies. This truth is our hope, this truth is our motivation, and this truth sustains us when the waves of menial tasks, unfulfilled expectations, and incomparable hurt wash over us with the regularity of the tides. Through reliance and meditation on the word, we are no longer, as Packer mentions, “blindly groping, but always build(ing) intelligently on what God himself says.” Our faith is stronger for it because it is educated not on the world, but on the words directly inspired by God himself.

To the outside world, the Bible is merely instructive and coarse in its expectation of Jesus followers. But for those that have passed through the threshold of believing about Christ in to actually believing in him, the Bible is both a comfort and a guide. Frequently neglected and untapped for its actual power, we live with an abundance of spiritual residue rather than overflowing cups of the spirit fairly regularly. What meditation empowers us to do is what Bonhoffer notes here: “We are to learn to understand ourselves now as those who have been placed on the way and no longer can do anything other than walk in it.” Scriptural meditation is a pep rally for the soul indicating that we are neither alone nor obscure as we set out on this path. Where we find much difficulty is not in the midst of our encounters with Jesus himself, but on our way to or from meeting him. For it is there that we encounter the badgering and insistent world with its tacit implications that we never are or do enough to measure up. Bonhoeffer sheds this truth on that notion by acknowledging that, “It is a law of the world that there can never be rest and satisfaction here.” Returning back to the word reminds us that world’s demands hardly matter as our race has a finish line far greater and far more eternal than anything that the world has to offer anyhow. Thus, it can be said that the word tells us much about where our rest and satisfaction actually do lie.

Despite its perpetual promise of encouragement and hope, there is hesitation on the part of the believer to actively engage God through his letters to us. Essentially, Bonhoeffer explains, “ we are not only afraid of ourselves and of self-discovery, we are much more afraid of God – that he may disturb us and discover who we really are, that he may take us with him into his solitude and deal with us according to his will.” Though it is true that much hope finds its root in God’s word, so too does truth. This truth, being pure in nature, aims to halt the worldly, fleshly nature of man and implore surrender towards Christ-likeness. We are aware of how abundantly we fall short and possess some amount of fear about how much it will take to be transformed into the person that smells more like Christ than he does like man. It is this fear that keeps us from being transformed because it causes us to dwell under the assumption that we are somehow transformed by work rather than by grace itself. Satan would love nothing more than to deceive us into thinking that the bible is something to be avoided rather than embraced.

Essentially, we come to understand the word of God to be the source of all truth. It is both humbling and courageous to approach truth by its most comprehensive definition. Though it would be easy to become overwhelmed by how far there is to go and how long it will take to get there, we are to be encouraged by the words of Bonohoeffer when he notes that “the present day marks the boundary of our cares and concerns.” We have choices to make each day in approaching and keeping company with the word. We are promised no void return for our obedience and willingness in this arena. Scripture meditation is no mere token that loses its value when it leaves its current location, but rather increases its value as it continues to transform our lives alongside Christ.

Fellows Reflection: March 2011

Before reading this month, I rarely if ever questioned the reliability of the bible. By nature, I’ve always taken the word of God to be what it says it is and; thus, attributed any struggles with “believing” it to my own lack of faith. Early on in my faith I read myriad books on the authenticity of Jesus and felt solidly established that the case for Christ had in fact been settled. Stumbling into this month’s reading practically forced me to question (or try at least) what I know about the word of God. I don’t come from a background of questioning as asking questions on a sports team will typically only end one way – with lots of running. I find more often than not that my heart questions far more than my head, so when I find myself at the crossroads of illusion and reality I try forcefully to put what I know before what I feel.

My old mentor and I used to talk a lot about knowing what we believe before we end up in the wilderness. I think the same can be said about the word of God. Darrell Bock comments that “We tenderly set a halo on the forehead of feeling and miracle, but in times of greatest loss it is the written Word that carries us through, not feeling.” Reflecting on this, I see the value in understanding the reliability of the bible in my personal walk with the Lord. If the bible is to be the crutch upon which I lean, then it stands that I should have great faith in its authenticity. I don’t want to end up in a desert place with a struggle to trust AND have questions about whether the Word where my trust comes from is actually true.

Though this has occurred several times over, I continue to be awed by the presence of each month’s topic in my immediate surroundings. Whether it is a product of open eyes or abundant presence, I found more than a few different articles about the bible’s reliability in major news sources recently. Upon reading one on whether we can believe what the bible says about heaven and hell, I came across this comment which succinctly illustrates my view on God’s word as truth in my life: “All we have to go by is the Word of God. If we stray from that, and fill in the blanks for ourselves, then Jesus becomes a colorful mascot and his death for our sins becomes little more than thoughtful favor.”

So, I suppose my questions fall around this: How does reason and following God’s word relate?

Does my obedience lack reason or is it full of it? And, if so, how is that I obey the following scripture?

“It is better for you to enter into life maimed or crippled than with two hands or two feet to be thrown into eternal fire. And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter into life with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into fiery Gehenna.”

Which scripture is absolute and which is open to interpretation? Additionally, where does my view fall along the spectrum being open to a literal interpretation and allowing grace to do its job? Is it logical for me to gouge out my eye? I understand what is being said, but my struggle comes with what true obedience to these types of words from God actually looks like. I will always struggle to obey the things I know God commands. But if this is true, how can I fight to obey the things that seem open to interpretation? I’m fairly certain that when we reach heaven we will all be fully aware that we were wrong to a varying degree. That said, I sense the overwhelming need of the Holy Spirit acting in his role of advisor in the midst of all these questions.

First Thoughts From The Shire... (Part One)

It took me years, but I finally sat and watched ALL the Lord of the Rings movies the other day.

It was epic.

I’m a few days out and even still there are lots of thoughts and connections rolling through my mind about biblical truths that passed through from the shire to the mountain in Mordor. I think I am most struck by the fact that the journey never got easier. With each hour that passed, we became more immersed in the struggle of each of the characters, relating more and more to their weakness and trials.

I hate to admit it, but I relate so much with Smeagol.

I probably have better hair, but his obsession with the ring resonated so strongly with me. I was frustrated by him… But not because I needed him to get out of the picture, but rather because there was this kindred bond that is created when you know exactly what it’s like to struggle to put something so precious down. I hated that I identified with that so well. Now, I saw Frodo struggle with it too… And it could easily be said that he had a guiding spirit inside of him that ultimately kept him from total failure. I liken that to the Holy Spirit. It reminds me of John 14:15 – 17 where we see how the power of the Holy Spirit, the great advisor, comes upon us. It comes through obedience, which Frodo was able to maintain despite struggles… Whereas Smeagol just cannot rally to be obedient to that whom he calls master because in his heart of hearts the ring is his master. He professed and desired in word, what he could not convince and convert in his heart. This was his ultimate downfall. I think the hardest part about Smeagol is that he made it all the way to the end, but eventually fell into the fire. He got what he wanted, but it cost him everything.

To make such a long journey, such a hard journey and to never see the promise… How disappointing. And yet, I wonder how close I am to that reality every day. I know and understand that eternity is set for me, but there is a delicate tiptoe on the tightrope between holding the ring to get it where it needs to go and slipping the ring on the finger and letting it consume me. For me, this comes in the form of control. It comes in the battle between illusion and reality and this manifest destiny that my mind pursues because of the culture I am a part of. As I watched, the thought of running “to win the prize” came to mind quite often. The sojourners had a goal and they pressed on until they got there. They put one foot in front of the other, never looking too far ahead and though they struggled, though they were pressed on every side, they were never abandoned from the power to reach the promise that was before them. There had to be so many times when they, like Christian in Pilgrim’s Progress got to the end of the valley only to be me with another. How discouragement did not overtake them baffles me. It intrigues me. And somehow, it even gives me hope.

Now, these thoughts are incomplete and only access the very tip of an iceberg of biblical allusions cast through the Lord of the Rings. As my mind continues the great traverse from shire to Mordor, I know many more truths will come forward and confront me. I’m excited to experience the persistent evidence of Christ through this creative work.

Half Birthdays... And why they're great...

The half birthday…

Less of a personal celebration and more of an enjoyment of small things.

I have a friend that keeps a bottle of champagne in her fridge at all times because she always wants to be ready to celebrate. I think I like that.

I think I like the thought of being filled with joyful anticipation… Holy expectation… Awaiting God’s rich saturation… Belonging to the Lord and; therefore, knowing that it is always time to be ready to celebrate.

A few weeks ago I celebrated my half birthday. On that day, quite a few of my students (along with some willing friends whose gifts I've also loved much…) joined in the small celebration by delivering small gifts. Unique gifts. Gifts that were less about monetary value and more about being known. I love that.

As I look back on that day with happy reflection, I am reminded of the good gifts my father gives. I am reminded of the uniqueness of those gifts. I am reminded of the depth and quality of the gifts the Father gifts because we are known by Him.

Fellows Reflection: February 2011

“Confession is not resolving to reform it is gambling on grace.”

These were among the last words I heard during this month’s curriculum on prayer, but perhaps it would have been most helpful to hear them first. The breadth of the topic of prayer is wide, expanding in all different directions, but I’ve concluded that it is best described as an investment. And; thus, the gamble on grace. When Richard Kaufmann spoke these words in his sermon regarding confession, they rang true with the risk of vulnerability… But the essence of prayer is to gamble. To gamble in spending time with the Lord over acting on my volition. To gamble in conversing with the Lord over conversing with a neighbor. An investment in relationship based on faith and not on sight.

Prayer takes courage. And, as Tim Keller said, “courage goes against what is natural.” Prayer takes courage because it means boldly facing truth in honest conversation with the God of the universe. It is a time distinctly separate from most other times when we wax poetic about God’s will for our life in that prayer is when we actually ask for it. And asking for it feels risky. Again, Keller notes here that praying that the Lord’s will be done actually permits the following: “we might do diligently all He commands and submit patiently to all He inflicts.” Infliction seems to indicate tests, pain, and change. Infliction takes courage because infliction willingly asks for things we’re not sure we actually want.

Even still, prayer puts us in the glorious tension of what has passed and what is still off in the distance. Prayer frames our perspective like that of those in the “Hall of Faith” as Martyn Lloyd-Jones notes, “They saw certain things afar off, they were seeking for “a city which hath foundations; they had their eye on the ultimate objective.” Prayer is the medium through which we become acquainted with a speck of what eternity with our King will look like. All the while, prayer allows us the magnificent process of recollection where we can see that though we have so far to go, we have come quite far through divine provision. Firming up our acquaintance with the Father propels us beyond the idea “that God is standing between me and my desires and that which is best for me” and into the notion that the Father knows best and we are at our best when we are in His midst.

I am struck by the truth that “As (our) ‘Father which is in heaven’ He is much more anxious to bless us than we are to be blessed.” Coming undone, bringing exactly what we are over what we ought to be, not knowing the words to pray as we start the prayer… Those do not seem like the necessary preparations to meet the Father. But the beauty of prayer and proximity to Christ is that we are not responsible for being prepared for our interactions with him, we are simply responsible to respond to how he engages with us.

Consider the Lilies

The last few weeks have been odd.

Not exactly cohesive, but more of a mosaic of broken weeks, scattered conversations, interrupted sleep, and way more heart than is actually comfortable.

It hasn’t been all bad. It hasn’t been all good. It’s been just short of settlement on any one thing.

Two weeks ago, I began memorizing Matthew 7: 7-11.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”

On Tuesday, I was in a random conversation with a co-worker who asked if I knew the verse about the father giving good gifts and how much more our heavenly father wants to give us good gifts?

Um… Yes, I know it… It’s taped to my desk and mirror in the bathroom.

Then, early yesterday I came across something of interest on my newsfeed (I’ll go ahead and give Katy Kirk the shout out here). A quote from Oswald Chambers - "Every time we lose ground in our fellowship with God, it is because we have disrespectfully thought that we knew better than Jesus Christ."

Hmm – convicting, but then again, that’s how most things with Chambers are.

Later that morning I decided, on my pleasant surprise of a snow day, that I would take minute to read from My Utmost For His Highest by Chambers, on this particular day.

The words that Chambers wrote for this day were so necessary.

"Consider the lilies of the field" - they grow where they are put. Many of us refuse to grow where we are put, consequently we take root nowhere. Jesus says that if we obey the life God has given us, He will look after all the other things. Has Jesus Christ told us a lie? If we are not experiencing the "much more," it is because we are not obeying the life God has given us, we are taken up with confusing considerations.

In a moment – the pieces (which should probably be read “shambles”) of the last few weeks were glued together. In a paragraph, thin places became thick as parts of different lessons formed a team and unified under the banner of obedience.

“Consider the lilies” isn’t some glib recommendation to take notice of the pretty things. “Consider the lilies” is a reality check that demands obedience long before you know the outcome. It is the bedrock of submission and absolute surrender. The lilies remind us that the good gifts are sometimes the hard gifts, that the hard gifts are often ones hand-wrapped by Christ, and that the things hand-wrapped by Christ are sometimes the “much more” we choose to ignore.

My Father knows how to give good gifts.

My Father gives gifts that take courage to open.

My Father wants to give me much more.

Consider the lilies, friend.

And don't be afraid to obey.

One Word 2011: Control

When the “One Word” proposition first made its appearance I thought it was a cool idea. I mean who doesn’t get a little excited about partnering in something with the Lord?

Almost instantaneously my word fell upon me and the term “control” has been present ever since. I encouraged friends to pursue the endeavor and got excited when I heard their choices just thinking of how God could use that in each of their lives. I confess I have been a little less excited about God’s faithfulness in letting me see my word through His eyes, but it is His faithfulness nevertheless, so I am trying to stay tuned into this new activity.

Releasing control is more than allowing someone to cut in on me in traffic. It’s more than merely turning the other cheek. I am convinced that you never really know how much you control until all of the sudden you stop doing it. It’s been eye opening to see how much of my identity was centered in the art of orchestration. Some days I am excited for these opportunities for obedience and other days when I sort of resent this word for choosing me. There are many moments spent in the tension between knowing and doing, between doubt and belief, and between questions and answers. Most of the time, I feel a little stuck in the ambiguity of it all. There are also moments spent in the encouragement of the saints pushing me to persevere, to experience joy in the midst of it, and to move in the direction of complete obedience. In the newness of this lifestyle, it seems easy to lose my way and easy to misstep. BUT, there is a confidence persisting that knows that the me on the other side of this word is the me that God wants me to be.

Despite the traps of fallen emotion.
Despite the traps of absent confidence.
Despite the traps of a fearful heart.
Despite all of that, there is a plot of land for the surrendered life that is staked out for me anxiously waiting my arrival.

The plumb line of obedience runs strong through this journey as each day begs a specific question. Namely, which choice takes control away from me and gives it over to God? The correct response may rid me of temporary comfort, initial peace, or even that which I once knew… But this response does not render me hopeless. For this response finds its roots in God’s desire and stakes its claim in God’s best. God has an individual plan for my life and each time He raises that question from above, it is an invitation to be courted by the God of the universe.

I am tempted to find a way to measure my success in this area, but I don’t know that I should. All I know is that in order for this word, the one God put in front of me for 2011, to have its way it must be placed squarely before me each day.

I am months from conclusions. And even further from arriving. I am merely convinced that each morning is really the guise of the question – “Will you trust me today?”

Blue Is For Belief

I decided to clean out my school bag today while my kids were testing... I came across many things (unopened Christmas cards with gift cards in them - score!), but perhaps the most interesting was a printout of something I wrote a long time ago... November 16th 2009 actually...

I remember writing it. I remember believing it. I even know why I might have neeeded to read it now. Recalling this made me remember why I believe, but more importantly who I believe.

Today, this encouraged my spirit... As I hope it does yours. :)

Monday, November 16th, 2009
2 Timothy 1:12

I know who it is I have put my trust in.

I have this blue bracelet. And this blue bracelet reminds me that I believe God. Not that I believe in God or believe about God, but that I actually believe Him. Believe Him enough to at least try to do the hard things He asks, believe enough to willingly put myself in painfully awkward situations because I know He has promised fruit in the end, believe enough to stay the course when everything around indicates otherwise. As Beth Moore would say, “I’m believing God.” The funny thing about this blue bracelet is that it only needed to stay on for the duration of a ten-week bible study, but it’s been three months since it’s completion and here it is, still tightly tied around my wrist. Very intentionally, it’s tied around my right hand knowing very well that it is my strong hand that’s likely to cause me to stumble… For the very hand I depend on is the same hand that often wills destruction and displays mistrust. But, just when I might get to that point and am ready to throw in the towel, I look at my wrist and I see this blue ribbon. I have a choice and I am choosing to believe.

Though it is merely a collection of strings, woven together, creating a simple design, it represents the God we know. Which is not at all the same as the God we know about. Lots of people know about God, some people would even say they believe in Him, but at the end of it all, how many of us can say we truly trust Him? Trust him enough to throw ourselves before him, offering everything that we have, walking boldly and willingly into what most might think is impending and certain humiliation because we trust that any hardship suffered for Christ is far superior to any joyous event spent in vain. Do we believe that?

We believe not because we know the precise outcome, but because we have no evidence that God has failed us yet. We believe not because we physically see God in our days, but because at the moment when our heart begins to ache, we feel our wound being bound up and relief appears sooner than we thought possible. Brennan Manning says this, “The felt knowledge of the tenderness of Jesus that lifts us, scarred and depressed after sin, gently to himself is the very soul of ragamuffin spirituality. After stumbling and falling, the ragamuffin does not sink into despondency and endless self-incrimination, she quickly repents, offers the broken moment to the Lord, and renews her trust in the Messiah of sinners. She knows that Jesus is comfortable with broken people who remember how it is to love.”

We believe Jesus because He puts us at ease, let’s us know that our brokenness does not make him squirm, does not make him feel awkward, does not make him desire to be around us any less. In fact, our brokenness is the very reason He came to visit us on earth. We know that a good friend, or parent, or spouse would quickly do whatever they could to take any pain we have away if it were only in their power. But, as believers, real believers of Christ, the pain of our tender heart is felt by the one who can actually do something about it. Though it seems daunting to willingly take our hearts and place them in His hands, let us trust in our Messiah and allow our heart to dwell comfortably within those sacred palms.

Maple Bacon Scones - It's not all business here...

Except that it is a seriously wonderful business to find great new combinations for maple and bacon. A while back I made a batch of maple bacon chocolate chip cookies (amazing) and then a batch of maple blueberry muffins... Ever since, I've been craving and researching new recipes online...

For the scones, I used a recipe from King Arthur Flour...

And then I went rogue on the topping and created my own delicious maple drizzle.

The "recipe" for that is here:

1/2 stick butter
1/2 cup of confectioner's sugar
1/2 teaspoon of maple flavor

Melt the butter over low heat. Add the maple flavor. Gradually wisk in the sugar until you get a nice runny consistency. Drizzle over the scones and then sprinkle the scones with the left over bacon bits from baking the scones. :)

So, here's the finished product. It was my only achievement of my sick day today... But that's okay - I took the day to rest. :)

Our Days As Gleaners

Ruth 2:15 - "Let her glean even among the sheaves, and reproach her not."

Charles Spurgeon thinks a gleaner is the most a Christian ever is. He thikns our faith is so small that, like Ruth, we can only glean from the field of provision.

This is interesting.

It is interesting because it implies that the reason we can't have more is not because it is not available, but because we cannot possibly carry it.
We are people of little faith... And sometimes that's okay because...

As Spurgeon suggests - "All we can do is to glean; we cannot cart the wheat home, or carry a sheaf on our shoulders; we can only take it up ear by ear."
I guess that's all we are ever asked to really do... Not to harvest the whole field of God, but faithfully take him up ear by ear.

Fellows Reflection: January 2011

With the new year now this year it seems as though everything started in 2010 must now somehow be finished. Resolutions finalized. Conclusions complete. All thoughts and feelings edited and ready for final print. Being at the precipice of one thing often means standing at the funeral of something else. This gives us hope. But it also gives us fear.

Just before the end of last year I had one seemingly innocuous question spiral me into wondering if 2010 had been a lost year. I wanted so desperately for that to not be true. I think God knew that. I think He also knew that in the weeks to follow that He was about to do a new thing… A new thing that made me know that all was not lost in 2010.

I’d resolved earlier in the fall that I would no longer wait to memorize the monthly scripture verse until the end of the month. Seeking to apply it as best I could, I placed it squarely in front of me each morning, soaking it in bit by bit. This produced interesting results in a life that now feels a lot more like parts than it does a whole.

This reflection echoes that. It doesn’t flow. It isn’t edited. It’s simply a train of thoughts on a timeline from the month of December.

Part 1: “If you love me. Obey my commands.”
Conviction isn’t quiet when it comes and I knew just where this verse was headed in my own life when reading it. Obedience is non-negotiable. We do it afraid because even though we are unsure of the outcome, we believe the outcome of disobedience to be far worse than our fear of following quickly. Even if it means letting go of control.

Part 2: “And I will ask the father and he will send another advocate. One to help you and be with you forever – the spirit of truth.”
The holy spirit picks up the pieces that obedience seems to create. And as I have waxed and waned between knowing obedience was the right choice and feeling like obedience was the right choice, the holy spirit has shown up time and time again. He is not repulsed by my failure… Annoyed by my fear… Or threatened by any gain I experience in the Lord.

Often times when I sign notes I sign them – “In it with you” (Thank to my Young Life boss - Mike Ramsey) and that’s often what I hear the holy spirit telling me. Surely, he is in it with me.

Part 3: “The world cannot accept him because it neither sees him nor knows him.”
What I have come to see and almost really believe is that God cannot heal the things that I do not allow myself to feel. He does not ask us to dwell, but he does sometimes ask us to stay. Stay past the point of comfort. Stay past the point that the world would say is advisable. Stay long enough for the surgery of our soul to be complete and for the stitches to fully heal.

Part 4: “But you know him, for he is will be with you and in you forever.”
The holy spirit gives me confidence that I can. The holy spirit encourages me that I will. The holy spirit reminds me that it’s worth it.

Billy Graham says that “we have two natures within us, both struggling for mastery.” I think that’s true. As we grow in our faith I believe those natures take different forms, but it ultimately comes down to self vs. God… And pretty much every battle of will, confidence, security, or obedience comes down to a fight between what we choose to believe and what we feel like believing.

I love my friends. I love the way they love me, encourage me, and are available to me. But even still, they cannot calm the steady chorus of doubt chanting at me day by day. Their words are gentle and their presence is a gift, but even that cannot comfort me when I, as John Acuff puts it, “close my eyes and a failure parade that spans decades marches into my subconscious.” But this reflection isn’t about what I don’t have… It’s about understanding the ministry of the holy spirit to my spirit in the midst of this life. It’s about believing heaven when all I feel is earth.
In the end, 2010 may go down as a year unfinished. Even still, I’ll continue to believe that hope does not disappoint, that “the secret to abiding is obedience”, and that “when I yield to worry I deny my Guide the right to lead me in confidence and peace.” (Thank you Billy Graham for those words)

So here’s to 2011…
May it lack control…
May it be defined by the eternal…
And may God lead the way…