After many mission trips, I’ve been encouraged to write a letter to God in a self-addressed envelope to be delivered to me about a year later. Last year, as a part of the Fellows Program, I was again encouraged to write a letter to myself. I sort of hate these types of activities. The thing is, I have this terrible habit of not re-reading the things I write. I proudly pen journals only to quasi-benignly ignore them. It’s great to get it all out, but I have serious hesitations about revisiting the thoughts, feelings, and events that lead me to journal in the first place. I’m more of a crisis journal-er than a diary keeper. Haha – It’s probably why I have cut a deal with my closest friends about what needs to happen with my journals if I die suddenly. Every person should have a short list of people with enough will power to “burn the journals”…
That said, it surprised me when I got the feeling to write a letter to myself before this school year. Granted, this year is different from a lot of others since I switched schools (And by switched schools, I mean I willingly entered into a whole different world from the one I embedded myself in for the last 5 years)… So, the letter was really a pep talk. A note for the hard days. An exposition of the heart that drove the decision to leave the favorable for the formidable. A reminder of the gentle “follow me” I heard from Jesus last November.
So, on my last night of freedom before this new school year began, I sat in my reading chair in my room and penned a letter to myself. One week in and I have found myself repeating certain lines to myself over and over again already. It shouldn’t be all that surprising that the very things God initiates He uses, but I continue to be surprised and loved through these holy coincidences.
Here are a few excerpts of what God revealed as I sat with my laptop last Monday night:
“You followed the prompting to leave what was comfortable, what was enviable, and the place where your reputation was housed to go and see what God was talking about. You trusted Him and you left South Riding knowing it wouldn’t be easy, knowing that these days and months might bring you to tears, fully aware that you would be laying one life aside for another…
Over the calendar year leading up to your new school, your word for the year was “control”. Everything about this decision gives the opportunity for God to have control or for you to keep it like you always have. Give all of this to God and be amazed by what He will do at that school. Jesus loved the poor, the unlovable, and the needy. Read His story and emulate His behavior. The vineyard is ripe and you are among it, so be good fruit. You won’t make it through this year, this school, this situation if you don’t let God do the work. You saw how the last year went, how you labored, how you felt, and how you had to go. Sometimes discomfort is a gift that lets us know that we can’t stay in that place anymore. You probably are hesitant to agree, but that pain prompted you towards God and as your pain increased, God gave you a vision for what He was calling you to in this next year…
Have you tasted Him in the early mornings and long days at your school? You will feel tired. You will feel defeated. But you are not alone at that school. God goes before you. God goes with you. Have full confidence that for what He has called you, He has also prepared you… Your heart alone will not be able to take or understand all that will happen this year. You hope that it will be more than you can ask or imagine, but you fear that it will be more than you’re willing to give, more than you’re able to take, and harder than your heart can stand. Trials are how God loves you. Growth is evidence that you’re both in it together. So, how did you grow? What do you know now that you didn’t know before? Did you give God the chance to be greater than you asked or imagined Him to be?
Your year is not your year. It belongs to Christ. Put yourself in positions to trust Him and watch Him prove Himself both worthy and spectacular. Be excited for He called you here and He is prepared to make Himself known at your school.
Keep your heart in this call, your hand in Christ’s, and have an amazing year.”
